Business Coach Trouble - 5 Steps to Take When You Don't Get Along With Your Coach

If you’ve ever been in this position you know how awks it can be.

I’ve been there, my clients have been there with past coaches (not with me though phew!) and my friends and I have certainly experienced our share of these awkward AF sitch's.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hi, my loves. My name is Ruby Lee entrepreneur, digital nomad, croissant obsessed, free spirit and founder of the RNL hustle movement. And this is the earn your hustle podcast. He, uh, you'll be so motivated to start that business. You've always wanted to grow it unapologetically and go all in, earning powerfully with ease and grace. I'm so excited that you're here and listening in and I'm so grateful that you made it. So welcome to the own your hustle way of life, full of freedom, a dose of woo and plenty of random tangent laughs along the way. You know, I started my company working nine to five too. As a recruiter. I was working for a ventures based business in the urban cool city of Melbourne, Australia. And today I'm traveling the world young family and[inaudible] working with the most amazing humans ready to build a career in life by design strapping my love. You are about to binge on all of the most incredible guests that I bring onto these podcasts. And guess what? They started their businesses through purpose and calling mostly while still working a day job. Let me also share this. I called my company, own your hustle as a reminder for us daily that we get to love our soul led hustle or in our decisions to grow big. Stop playing small, create with joy. Take the risk, say yes to adventure and from time to time be okay with those meltdown moments. These episodes are filled with joy and strategy, spirituality and business, tactical tapes, big picture concepts and musings. And of course some of that Ruby colored energy. So if you're ready, I'm ready. Let's get started. Hey everybody, episode 112 we are currently in Sofia, Bulgaria, and we're gonna actually be here right up through to the end of the year pretty much till after Christmas. But I am actually recording this just as I'm about to hop onto a mystery flight, which my amazing husband bought for me for my birthday. And the choices are Athens, Warsaw, Bucharest, Budapest, or Vienna. So I am so pumped whenever that the big reveal happens, it will happen on Instagram as always. And I've never, ever, ever done such a thing as a mystery flight. So this is just one of those experiences that I'm so glad to be sharing with all of you and Lena would tweet 2019 definitely has been the year of travel for me. There is just been so many adventures to be had. Four months ago I was sweltering in the New York humidity and here we are right now in Sophia. I literally have my big yellow scarf on. I have my beanie on. I am so freaking cold. It is like minus two degrees out there at the moment but I'm just taking it all in. It is just what an adventure of a year it has been. And you know what? I want to give you guys this experience. I know so of you have really, really aspired to start your businesses this year and create that sort of ongoing income flows so that you can have more freedom in your life and you've been watching on as I've been traveling and discovering different parts of this beautiful earth. So I've created the red carpet retreat series and we are kicking off on the seventh and the 8th of May, 2020 it is going to be in the very beautiful, very magical Bali, which is really where it all began for me. In November, 2017 I decided to take some annual leave from my day job and act as if I went to Bali and pretended that I had this thriving online business and I really leaned into that energy and that feeling of these things going to happen for me. One day later on that year, I decided, yes, it was time and buy in three months time I had resigned. I was full time into my business and I was living that lifestyle. So Bali 2020 do definitely go and check it out in the show notes below. Now it is a two day immersive business retreat, so we are going deep with your income generating activities. We're going deep with your sales plan, with your social media planning, but don't get me wrong, this is a Ruby Lee retreat, so there's going to be a lot of fun, a lot of playfulness. I have actually booked at a luxury luxury Villa. For us, it's private. We have our own chef, we have our own people. I will have people picking you up from the airport. All accommodation is covered and we're also going to have meals covered, experiences covered, and you're going to walk away with business besties of your entire life. So if you're ready to jump in, go and check it out. It is the first of many retreats to come, so barley just doesn't quite line up. Keep an eye out on the webpage for more announcements in more locations. And an introduction, I talk about stepping into fear. This is me stepping into my Thea and saying yes, I am ready to host a beautiful retreat for me and this incredible tribe. So without further ado, let's jump into today's episode. And you know what? Today's episode is one of those ones where it's always very sensitive to be talking about something like this because I know some of the people that in which the examples do definitely involve and I don't ever ever want to be that type that steps on other people's coattails or brings them down. But this is really from a point of view of the experiences and the conversations that I've had with my current clients and those in my community who have asked me this question. So I'm going to add to the commentary around this. However, I definitely want to come at it from a point of view of what you can do, where both parties are extremely supported in the process and where you do. Just walk away with it being a learning for your business, a learning for your lifetime, something that you can apply for your own coaching practice as you grow. And the topic is of course, what happens when you have a really unsupportive or bad experience with a coach. Now, I have actually had bad experiences with coaches myself in my own personal life in business. I've worked with coaches that just haven't resonated with me or perhaps it just feels like it's not quite the best fit and I wasn't really sure how to get out of the coaching relationship. Now, if you have faced this or you are facing this, I know for a fact this happens a lot and in the coaching industry itself, we take risks are both ways. So as a coach, I take the risk of bringing someone on board for a six month or a 12 month period and there's always that worry of like, Oh my gosh, what if I get sick of this person? Or what if we just don't get along like that entire time. And then me as someone who wants to be coached, you know, I will sign on with coaches and I think, Oh shit, like six months or 12 months is a really long time to commit. And I'm a Sagittarian, as you all definitely know. I talk about it pretty much everyone goes to episode, someone loves his style sign, but no, seriously, it's like we're not really well known to be like committed beings. But then once we're committed, we're like super loyal. So I have to say yes, that is definitely a trait of mine, a challenging trait for some parts of my life. And you know, definitely when I was growing up and in relationships and whatnot, I was always very like, Oh, I don't know if I want to want to, I had like major commitment phobia. I know. I was like, I was like that, that gal who guys would be like, what's wrong? And I'm like, no, no, I just don't want a longterm relationship. But in saying all of this, I know with coaching, I mean there's obviously like a monetary aspect to it. We place a lot of importance of it for the growth of our business. But here's one thing I will say up front that you do not hire a coach for the coach to become best friends with you. I have never ever looked for that in my coaches. In fact, a lot of the coaches that I have hired and who I have actually had the best results with, I would never hang out with them as friends. And I would literally be like, I don't really get along with you on a personal level, but God, I love your business brain. You know? So there will be aspects of really understanding what is the intention behind you hiring a coach. You're not paying someone to be your best buddy. You're paying for someone to keep you accountable, to call you out, to lovingly kick that bot of yours when you need it to be kicked, but also support you when shit feels really difficult and hard and helping you understand that you can move through these processes and you can move through moments in your business that feels like crap. But that's different to having a best friend in your life. My best friend Jessa Lewis is there for me through thick thin and is the ongoing mentor in my life. You know, like, but I'm not paying her as my coach, although maybe I should. But in saying all of this, I, I just really want to ring that home. Like, I have also experienced people who I've worked with who, you know, like they've said you are so fantastic as a coach and you're someone who, you know, I really like re resonate with and relate to and you know, I've walked away and I just know I'm going to have like a friend for life, which is absolutely incredible. And you know, for me personally, my style has always been more so I guess a relationship based rather than business or transactionary based. And I actually used to get in trouble a lot for it when I was working in corporate. My managers above me used to say Ruby, like everyone that's reporting to you, they're your friends, you're hanging out with them on Friday night drinks, how are you supposed to pull any kind of power? But I guess that's me just my leadership style is very, very focused on, you know, understanding the inner workings of individuals. And I like to understand that also about those that I coach. And as a part of that process you end up being friends like longer term anyway. But you know, I just did wanted to make that statement that you're not hiring your best friend, you're hiring a coach, very different people. Now if you have had a particularly tough experience with a coach and you're signed up with them, perhaps you're locked into a contract. I have had several, several, several discussions about this in the last couple of months. I've had one particular example where someone signed up with the coach and they were really disappointed with the touch points they had with this coach. It just felt quite distant and it felt as though they were only there to support during the calls and not during any other part of building a business. I personally have, um, touch points between calls. I know that that's the transformation that I want to provide and give. It's not about holding someone's hand, but it's definitely about just being there for them when they need it. I know that I reach out to my coach when I need to, but it's not all the time. It's just knowing that there's some added support there. So if that's the case, just like start to actually write a bit of a list around, okay, this is like something that doesn't feel good for me. It doesn't feel aligned to the type of coach that I'm after. And next time you contact your coach or you're in touch with them, bring it up in conversation. A good coach will love feedback. A good coach will take it on board and we'll work out a way to actually create that halfway point. Now, if for any reason you've signed up with a coach who doesn't offer a touch point in between calls and you might want more support in between all of those, like more strategic type discussions and they've clearly said on their sales page at that's not what is included, you can't expect them to then suddenly include that they have their own boundaries and their own, you know, way of doing business. So just being very, very mindful. You're in that process of signing up with a coach, what you're asking for, what you're signing up for, reread the sales page and if you're still unsure, contact them and ask them, is this something that you would be willing to do? So right off the bat, you know that this is a relationship that's either going to feel good for you and where you'll feel supported versus one that you'll feel unsupported and you'll feel really left high and dry just all on your own. Another example I've had is I've heard of a coach who has consistently missed calls and consistently not turned up to coaching calls or forgot to shop two coaching calls or doesn't get back to you in terms of voice messages or emails that you leave where you actually need support. Now, this is just, I think, flat out a real breach in contract between you and the coach. You're entering a professional relationship where you are swapping a service for money and if someone just blatantly doesn't show up to calls consistently, I mean obviously from time to time there's going to be shit that happens in life where you're not able to contact that other person. But if it's consistent, and in this particular case it was, and you know, this person said to me, I felt really disempowered to even approach this coach about it because I felt bad asking why they missed my call. I'm just like, Oh my God, girls stand up in your power and in your truth and know that you deserve to be fully supported by the universe always. And if there's someone in place in your life, including a coach that is forgetting about you or who isn't showing up for you in your business, you deserve much better than that. You deserve to be respected for your time, your money, your energy, but also so does your message. And so does your business. So this is where we get to pull out big girl panties on and we get to say, okay coach, this is what I signed up for. I'm showing up to the calls, why aren't you, there is a level of commitment or responsibility that is engaged to when you are entering a coaching relationship. Now some of you might be listening to this going, Holy shit, like this is awful. Does this actually happen? I'm like, yes, it happens and I'm just pulling some of the examples. Some of the examples I know personally there's nothing more upsetting or annoying when you feel like the other person you're in a coaching relationship with just doesn't give a shit about your business and I definitely have felt that way before with coaches I have worked with, there's one particular coach that I had actually worked with and it definitely felt that way that I was just another number that I was just another addition to their recurring revenue and so frustrating. But the lessons I did learn from that, and for many of you who are going through coaching relationships that are extremely challenging, is you get decide the type of coach you want to be. You get to decide all the things that you don't want to be, and I know that's what's really built up my own personal practice where I've realized like, Oh, that just did not sit well for me and I vow to not ever treat somebody else this way, especially when it is such a sacred, beautiful, honorable relationship. As a coaching and especially in my world in business coaching, I am honored. I'm honored for over coaching over 100 individuals in my entire coaching business where I've had a hundred individuals plus trust me with their business, with the way that they are creating purpose and messaging in the world with the way that they're creating income, creating a living in this world that they have entrusted me to guide them at this particular moment in time. It is a sacred relationship as far as I am concerned and I never enter a coaching relationship lightly. If you were feeling that you were in a coaching relationship that is entered into lightly, whether it is you feeling like you're not really showing up to the calls. Do you hear this? Like my Georgia's like, you know, I'll do another podcast episode on that. I have definitely had to have discussions with some of my private clients where I'm like, girl, you are not showing up to these calls and you know it. I don't know why that's like my alter ego, they're speaking and sure enough, sure enough my private clients would be like, I know. Dammit. I know. But then on the flip side, if your coach isn't showing up, call them out and just say, listen here I need more. I need more. What can we do to make that happen? But be very, very clear headed about it. You know? So when I mentioned earlier like write down a list, it's not like a vindictive list of like all the things my coach is doing wrong. Oh my God, I would hate that. Imagine that there was like a Ruby list out there and it's like, it's like a performance review. You know when you're in like corporate and say, Hmm, let's like shit sandwich this. I'm, you know, when I first met your so happy to have seen you, but here are all the horrible things that I've observed of our relationship. But you know, maybe we can get better at this. No. Call it out right there and then the sooner you nip it in the bud, the better. Fun fact. I used to think the saying was nip it in the butt instead of bud. Yup. This is, this is the thing, right? Like yeah, sayings and all of that. There's always funny when it's out there. Actually tag me on Instagram with what common sayings are out there and what you say instead. Can you please let me know I love them. They just make me laugh so much. My handle is at underscore Ruby Lee underscore and yet comes to, it should be through a DM for sure. Now. The third one, the third example I have for you may seem really menial and really small, but it does eventually build up to the point where you realize, you know what? If they can't even this one thing, then what are they actually thinking about? Like, Oh, how are they keeping on top of what I'm doing? Or at least staying in a level and energetic level, and this is, I've heard this many, many, many times where I'll have individuals give me feedback saying, my last coach couldn't even be fucked following me on social media. My last coach couldn't even be bothered seeing what content I was creating out there. Now this is a contentious one, I'm sure, because I know a lot of you are coaches who listen to this podcast and you might be thinking right now, I don't follow every single person. That's my private client, but I personally, and this whole podcast episode is really predicated on personal preference. Okay, so take what you will leave the rest at the door. But I personally love it when my coach can at least see me showing up. That in itself is an energy of accountability. I don't need my coach to be like Ruby, or why haven't you posted today? Why haven't you shown up today? But a lot of us in business coaching and fitness coaching in life coaching, we hold our clients accountable to showing up for themselves, showing up for their business, pushing past their fears, smashing through those limiting beliefs, getting through anxiety around social media, and if you know your client is not showing up, then there's discussions to be had about, okay, let's talk about it. How can I best support you? If your coach isn't following you on social media, more than likely they're not really going to be knowing what you're doing out there from a business or fitness, a life, a relationship kind of perspective. So thinking about it from there, I'd like to know, do you care if your coach follows you on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, or does it not even matter? Now, I'm definitely coming from a point of view of I'm a business coach and I want to see my business owners show up for their business. So it might just be this lens. I'm looking through, but if my coach, let's say previous coaches that I've hired haven't shown support through social media, I personally feel that I know when they're not there energetically and then we jump on coaching calls and it's like, um, so yeah, like you know, let's talk about your social media strategy and how you're showing up. Have you posted on Instagram lately? And I'm like, yeah bitch, I post every day and I do stories every day. Oh, okay. All right. Hmm. Okay. What about podcasts? How are you sharing your podcasts? And I'm like, you know what, this isn't really helpful because really we sign an agreement where you get to be in the energy of my business. So stay on top of it, you know, like just stay on top of what is going on. And I'm not definitely not saying you have to like stalk your clients and if you're someone who has like many different tiers in many different products in your business suite, I'm really talking about your private high ticket inner circle mastermind level clients. So I only really take on six to 10 clients at any one point in time at that level. So it's not hard for me to follow my 10 people. And in fact like everyone that if you open my Instagram at the moment, the first 10 that you'll see 10 circles that you'll see are my clients. And then it's Aaron, my Henry[inaudible] shout out this[inaudible]. But yes, just have a look and see. You know, is it worthwhile you following your private clients back if you're a coach listening to this and let me know if you're a coachee. So what we, what we say coach, if you're someone who's currently being coached, whether that matters to you. Okay? So to round things up for this podcast, I wanted to give you five steps to take when you're hiring the wrong business coach or when you just feel really awkward with the coach that you've actually gone with. So number one, speak to them. Don't just hold onto the resentment. Most times your coach is probably going to feel much better that you've actually opened up to them and you've actually spoken to them. There's nothing worse than just like making it just a bigger deal than what it is because you haven't actually spoken to them about it. And it doesn't that just come down to any sort of form of awkward communication in life. Number two, remember that you're not hiring your best friend. Okay? We're hiring advisors into our business. We're not buying our best friends through a coach. Your coach is meant to have some polarizing views but also support you at the same time. They aren't necessarily there to answer all of your texts all the time and you know, do all those things that best is do. But if you do walk away from a coaching relationship with a friend in hand, well now that is just a very, very sweet bonus. Number three, is there actually a tangible result? So what I mean by this is look at what your coach is delivering to your business, not to you personally. So it could be somewhat attached to point number two. But just see and take a really, you know, clear look at how your relationship with your coach has helped you see things a different way. What is the takeaway from the relationship you have with them at the moment and sometimes you've chosen your coach who's completely different from you and who challenges your view on things so that you can think bigger and play a lot bigger. Most coaches will have a contract for you to sign, so even before you do sign one just to have a good read of it, but if you haven't seen it for some time and you're feeling the inkling that you're wanting to see if you can get out of a contract or you're wanting to leave a coaching contract, leave all of the emotion at the door. There is absolutely no good that comes from throwing some shade at your coach in the midst of asking to break a contract. Go in with the facts and be clear about why you're requesting an end to the coaching relationship. Number five, make a conscious effort with what you pledge not to be like. I know this is one that is maybe a little bit different and outside of the box, but whenever I've worked with coaches some that I've loved, some that I've kind of been like, Oh, I probably wouldn't do that in my own business. What it does effectively is that it helps me tap into the type of coach that I ultimately want to be. Remember that if you've ever been in this position, you know how awkward it can be. I've definitely been there. My clients had been there and you know what? Some of my best friends and I certainly have had experiences that we've shared of this really awkward AAF moment. The aim of this podcast is to help you turn this often anxious and frustrating situation into a freeing one and yeah, I know this is a bit of a different one for this podcast. I don't usually go with something that's got more of a negative connotation, but let me know if you enjoyed it and I actually do need to catch a car to the airport very, very shortly. Do let me know what you think of this podcast episode. Send me through a DM over at underscore Ruby Lee underscore a few things before we close off today. Check out the Bali red carpet retreat, May 7th to eighth accommodation experiences included and food. The value is absolutely unbelievable for a two day immersive retreat. It's really made for you if you know you want to go all in with your business. If you're wanting to hit 5k months and beyond, if you want to walk away as a totally different, strong, empowered woman with new business besties that you can take with you for the rest of this year. Have a look at flights, look at dates, booking your ticket, but I have to say it is by application only. So if I know you have spoken before, send me through a DM. If you're brand new to me and you want to find out more, you want to jump on a discovery call, fill out the application form in the link below. The other thing I have to also announce is that I am currently doing a December giveaway. So if you haven't seen, and if you haven't heard, for those of you that leave me a review wherever you're listening to these Castbox Apple, please leave me a review if you've watched, I've watched if you've listened to this podcast for some time and you love it, I know there's a lot of you in the last month alone, I think it is. We've had over 25 K listeners, which is so amazing. So shout out to all of you out there listening in and tuning in. I would love to see your review. See it posted on Instagram as well, and a very lucky winner for this month. We'll get drawn to when a coaching session with me valued at$350 so the winner will be drawn on the 31st of December. But please do tag me and snapshot the review so that I can see it. Sometimes Apple, especially Apple zones me out and I can't see reviews coming from the U S or the UK depending on what zone I'm in. So please, please, please. That is an important step. Leave me a review snapshot it, tag me on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, wherever you've left a review and I will put you into the door to win a one hour coaching session with me. I shall see you very, very soon. I got a plane to catch and I can't wait to share with all of y'all where I'm ending up and just like make a mental note. Do you think it is Warsaw, Bucharest, Budapest, Istanbul, Athens or Vienna? All right, I'm going to leave it there. I love you all and come and give me feedback on this episode. If you are in a coaching relationship where you're feeling like you need to talk it through, talk it through first. Okay? Don't jump to conclusions and just end the relationship. Give it a chance. Talk it through. Be very open with your coach. More than likely your coach is going to love that you have been open with them, that you've given him that feedback and if it still doesn't work out, then you know what the universe is always backing you. Doors will open and you will find a new coach that you will absolutely love. In the meantime, remember that you can absolutely earn your hustle by.